Part Of Me
by Ilness.Illusion
Summary: I mean I can’t just type: “Dear Pilots. Life was and still is too hard, I couldn’t take it anymore. So I killed myself. I love you all greatly and I’ll miss you all”I can’t just type that now can I? It sounds so cold and not caring. Warnings: Deathfic


Hi! Uhm, yeah I was bored and I packed all of my things already so I decided to write a little one-shot. Hope you like it Please R&R… D

Title: Part Of Me.  
Author: Crystal-Water-Tears.  
Rated: T, just to be sure.  
Pairings: No not one.  
Warnings: Death-fic, Angst.

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing and I also don't own the song: Part of me which belongs to Linkin Park

"_blah, blah, blah" is the song in italics  
_"Blah, blah, blah" is talking

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The Gundam Pilots were, like usual, on a mission. You could find everybody in the lounging room except one pilot-- Duo Maxwell, also known as pilot 02.

Nobody knew exactly were he was, they all thought he was either sleeping or eating. They were wrong he wasn't doing anything like that at all.

Duo Maxwell was just sitting at his bed, with a laptop in his lap. Typing things and than deleted the text again.

----Duo's POV---

" _Part of me won't go away  
Everyday reminded how much I hate it  
Weighted against the consequences  
Can't live without it so it's senseless"_

Aagh why won't it just work, I mean I know what I'm going to do… I just can't tell them. This is making me seriously nuts!

I mean I can't just type:  
"Dear Pilots.  
Life was and still is too hard, I couldn't take it anymore.  
So I killed myself.  
I love you all greatly and I'll miss you all"  
I can't just type that now can I? It sounds so cold and not caring.  
Now I've got to admit that I don't care. But it will probably break poor Quatre's heart and believe me I don't want that on my conscious.

" _Wanna cut it out of my soul  
And just live with a gaping hole  
Take control of my life  
And wash out all the burnt taste"_

I really love them. They're the family I never had… they're my friends just like Solo was before he got killed. Or like Sister Helen and Father Maxwell before the OZ killed them.

I can't take it anymore, everybody thinks I'm a go-happy-lucky-guy but I'm NOT! My smile, my act, everything is just an act. As Gundam Pilots they should see that should they not. But I don't think they do. I suppose my act is too good. Quatre is good with recognizing peoples emotions but even he didn't and still doesn't recognize my emotions.

" _I made the problems in the first place  
Hang my head low 'cause it's part of me  
Ya hardly see right next to the heart of me  
Heard of me the routine scar"_

I'm a good actor. But it helps that I used to be a go-happy-lucky-guy. When I still lived on the streets with Solo and when I lived in the church with Sister Helen and Father Maxwell. When they got killed I started to change, not for the good I suppose but for the bad. I became cold, uncaring, a clown with a mask, a mask that makes people think I'm happy and that I'm caring, that I'm a goofball. I became Shinigami – The god Of Dead-

" _New cuts cover where the old ones are  
And now I'm sick of this  
I can't stand the sandpaper thoughts that grade on my sanity  
I rather not even be then the man that's staring in the mirror through me"_

I stole a Gundam and fought against the OZ, I wanted my revenge.  
I met the other pilots: Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton, Quatre Raberba Winner and Wufei Chang.

" _Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me  
Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me  
__Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me  
__Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me"_

Heero and Trowa are just like me, no real family, not even a real name. Heero and Trowa kind of stole their names. I made mine up. Duo Maxwell, It's simple actually. My name Maxwell came ofcourse from the Maxwell-Church and Duo ain't that hard either actually. My best-friend was called Solo. I called myself Duo just so that he would know he wasn't alone…

" _I feel it everyday  
I feel I made my way  
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside  
Swallowing me" _

Quatre and Wufei aren't like me at al. Sure Wufei has no family at all anymore, but he at least knew his family. Quatre is the total opposite of me. He's happy, innocent, caring and always thinks of other people first than about himself. If he has to die to even save a little kitten he would give his life for the little kitten. I would never do that, I know that sounds cruel doesn't it, it's the truth. I want, no need to have my revenge, maybe after that I'll die for some stupid kitten.

" _Freedom can be frightening if you've never felt it  
Once it's been dealt with you feel like you've been touched by something angelic  
And then melted down into a pool of peace  
Cease to be the animal you used to be"_

Now we're once again on a mission, this time to infiltrate some stupid OZ Base and blow the whole thing up, but first we got to hack into the computers, send all the information to Heero's laptop and than we got to blow up the Base. This is our last mission from what I heard.

It will be the last time people will see Shinigami, it will be the last time, after this mission I'll disappear from everybody, I'll die and I'll be reunited with Solo, Sister Helen and Father Maxwell.

God I know that sounds egocentric but I've got to do it. I've got to finish the mission I gave myself before I could die… and believe me I will it'll be the last mission

" _Remove the broken parts you know were wrong  
And feel the karma when the problem's all gone  
And then you start to see another piece of yourself that you can't let be  
Memories of the last fight to free yourself"_

Trowa is calling me I suppose the time has come, I put my laptop aside and walk to the others, but not before putting my mask on again. It will be the last time I'll have to do this, I promise myself while looking in the mirror at my reflection.

"Well here we go" I sigh and walk out of my room.  
Sure once again Heero is glaring at me. Doesn't that guy ever not-glare at me... the answer is:... No...

"_Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well  
And now you know you can choose to lose the part in your heart  
Where your insides bruised  
You can live if you're willing to  
Put a stop to just what's killing you"_

"Couldn't you came a bit faster" he demands looking at me. Actually the guy is glaring at me… what a surprise…  
"Hehe" I smile my silly smile "Nop can't do that Heero-chan" I threw my arm around his shoulder and started laughing like some idiot. God I'm an idiot…  
"Baka" I hear him mutter. God that guy is such an insensitive jerk, I have feelings too you know. I just grin at his words, like I always do when he calls me a baka…  
"Well we should get going" Quatre says "or else we be late" We nodded and went to our Gundams.

" _Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me  
__Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me  
__Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me  
__Cut myself free willingly  
Stop just what's killing me"_

"Hey buddy" I say looking at my Gundam. This will be our last battle I promise.

"What do you mean by that?" Quatre asks, the heck how come that guy stands right next to me, isn't he supposed to be with Sandrock "Duo I asked you a question"  
I smile "Well this is our last mission with OZ isn't it?"  
"Oh yeah" Quatre nods "You're right" and off he is to Sandrock…

-next day-

"_I feel it everyday  
I feel I made my way  
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside  
Swallowing me"_

Once again I'm sitting on the bed, looking at my laptop. I reread the letter I wrote to them. I'll put them on their beds as soon as they're printed.  
The guys are out, it was Quatre's idea. He said we should celebrate our last mission.  
He had a hard time convincing Heero and Wufei. Trowa just shrugged and went along. Me… I told him I wasn't feeling good and that I rather go eat and sleep. They believed it… idiots…  
Aah they're printed now let's go and bring them around…

"_(Alive in me, inside of me, a part of me screams away silently  
This part of me won't go away, part of me won't go away  
Everywhere I look around I see how everyone aught to be  
Every time I see myself I see there's always something wrong with me)"_

First up Heero's room. God this room is so neat, I can't believe he can live here, everything is in place, not even a sock on the ground. I shudder I couldn't live like that. I slowly walk to his bed and put the letter down.

Okay so now we're off to Quatre's room.  
Yeah… this room ain't as neat as Heero's, seeing as there are some things out of place but for the rest this room is neat. At least in a room like this I could live. I put the letter on his pillow. I sigh. Okay next room… Either Trowa or Wufei… aah let's go to Trowa's first and than to Wufei's.

"_I feel it everyday  
I feel I made my way  
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside  
Swallowing me"_

I slowly opened the door and peak inside. Okay good nothing disturbing.  
Well the first thing I notice in Trowa's room is that he has a painting on the wall. Of his Gundam. Actually it's a nice painting. I look closer at it and see Quatre's autograph… ooh I remember this was Trowa's Christmas present from two years ago. Quatre painted it for him. I sigh and remember why I was here in the first place and I put Trowa's letter also on his pillow.

Okay the last one, Wufei's room…  
I just walk inside to tired to look around and put it on his pillow. I slowly walk to my room.

"_I feel it everyday  
I feel I made my way  
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside  
Swallowing me"_

Right know I know it's really time to do it. I wrote the letters and once again I will be reunited with Solo, Sister Helen and Father Maxwell. I slowly take out my gun, put it right against my heart and pulled the trigger. I feel a shot of pain going trough my whole body and than everything gets black. And I died before I fell on the floor…

" _I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me  
__I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me"_

---end Duo's POV---

The four remaining Gundam Pilots came home, said their goodnights and went Straight to their room

---Heero's room---

Heero looked around he had a feeling someone has been in his room and when he saw the white envelop with his name written on it he knew he was right. He sat down on the bed, took the letter out the envelop, started to read it. When he was finished he heard Quatre yell and three doors opened and raced to the door beside him. Heero also walked to the room beside him…

Trowa slowly opened the door and what they saw, was a horrible sight. Quatre began to yell and cry. Heero felt a pang in his chest. He always saw Duo as his best friend and now he was gone, he felt something wet slip from his eyes to his cheeks and he knew he was crying. Just like the other were doing, even Wufei…

Duo lay on the ground gun in one hand and a small, true smile on his face.

---------------------------OWARI------------------

Well hope you liked it Please R&R D and you'll get a cookie.


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